Eric’s Eats: Step Away From the Shack

In this, the second installment of Eric Adelson’s wildly popular column, our favorite foodie offers his devoted readers a heartfelt warning. Eric’s so selfless. He’s always looking out for his fans …

Sometimes it falls upon us at the Alyssa blog (TAB, for short) to give a negative review. And alas, it is my duty to tell the public to stop visiting the wildly popular Shake Shack in New York City. I have stood on line at the Madison Square Park burger joint on hot days and cold nights, in sun and rain and sleet, and now I feel the need to stop you all from going.

On my most recent trip, as I waited for an hour in heat that felt like I was standing in the back of a U-Haul stranded in Galveston, I considered ways to make this point to the people. A consumer advocate like myself must prevent his fellow man from eating the ‘shroom burger, with its fried, crunchy outside and its gooey, cheesy inside, packed between buns that are equally crunchy and chewy. Gross! And please pass on the Shack burger, with it’s Fourth-of-July grilled texture and meatiness. Eeww! America, there’s nothing to see here! Stop consuming the reminds-me-of-childhood krinkle-cut fries and the clog-your-straw shakes! Don’t let the terrorists think we’ll wait in the sunshine for the finest ingredients!

This is a matter of so much personal importance that I will volunteer to stand on line during my next visit to New York and tell those waiting in front of me that a tornado is coming and that the burgers at this place are prepared by squirrels. I will go to Shake Shack as often as possible for the rest of my life, in case the food improves, so I can be the first to relay the good news.

So keep away from Shake Shack until I tell you the coast is clear, stay at home and remember: We at the Alyssa blog are working nonstop for YOU!


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